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Thursday, October 23rd, 2008
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9:39 am - Creativity's Folly-- x-post from DA.
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hoping this is not just a wonderful realization that falls prey to life...
Well- for some time now, every time someone finds out I write and dabble in drawing and photograph things they ask if I am an artist. Always to this question I reply, I guess.
I have fought my entire life with the accurate expression of my thoughts and emotions. Words, THUS far, have been the way by which i can convey them to the best of my ability. I find though, that even that, my longtime love, Words, only reaches so far down, and with only fractions of the complexity of innate thought and emotion. As if to properly convey PRECISELY what I'm after there needs to be colors and images floating in amongst the words... I have gotten snapshots in my brain of images, and pictures that I have, as of yet, been unsure what to do with, or how. I consistently come across the dilemma of clothes shopping, so I have been on a quest to learn to sew, so that I can get PRECISELY what i want instead of settling for trends or paying an arm and a leg for what I want. I have been lucky enough to find people that can help me, and to them my endless gratitude( as trite as it sounds). I've been luckier still to find someone that BELIEVES in the validity of expressing what's there and making room for it in my life and inevitably dealing with the aftermath, for I'm SURE the new focus on emotions will have some less than fun side effects--though how exhilerating!! And to them-- there are no words accurate enough, but you know--
So here's to a beginning of defying what I know about myself, and rethinking my take on the tools at my disposal, to meet my needs instead of being trapped by them and casting aside the perceptions of others I have been somewhat unconsciously limited by, to capture and express the inner workings of my brain...
current mood: cold current music: Ooogie's Revenge
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| Thursday, July 3rd, 2008
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8:35 pm - no
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| Saturday, February 23rd, 2008
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8:58 am - declaw bill. finally. more to come :)
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| Wednesday, February 20th, 2008
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2:44 pm - Writer's Block: A Favorite Poem
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Darkness By Lord George Gordon Noel Byron.
I had a dream, which was not all a dream. The bright sun was extinguished, and the stars Did wander darkling in the eternal space, Rayless, and pathless, and the icy earth Swung blind and blackening in the moonless air; Morn came and went -and came, and brought no day, And men forgot their passions in the dread Of this their desolation; and all hearts Were chilled into a selfish prayer for light; And they did live by watchfires -and the thrones, The palaces of crowned kings -the huts, The habitations of all things which dwell, Were burnt for beacons; cities were consumed, And men were gathered round their blazing homes To look once more into each other's face; Happy were those which dwelt within the eye Of the volcanoes, and their mountain-torch; A fearful hope was all the world contained; Forests were set on fire -but hour by hour They fell and faded -and the crackling trunks Extinguished with a crash -and all was black. The brows of men by the despairing light Wore an unearthly aspect, as by fits The flashes fell upon them: some lay down And hid their eyes and wept; and some did rest Their chins upon their clenched hands, and smiled; And others hurried to and fro, and fed Their funeral piles with fuel, and looked up With mad disquietude on the dull sky, The pall of a past world; and then again With curses cast them down upon the dust, And gnashed their teeth and howled; the wild birds shrieked, And, terrified, did flutter on the ground, And flap their useless wings; the wildest brutes Came tame and tremulous; and vipers crawled And twined themselves among the multitude, Hissing, but stingless -they were slain for food; And War, which for a moment was no more, Did glut himself again; -a meal was bought With blood, and each sate sullenly apart Gorging himself in gloom: no love was left; All earth was but one thought -and that was death, Immediate and inglorious; and the pang Of famine fed upon all entrails -men Died, and their bones were tombless as their flesh; The meagre by the meagre were devoured, Even dogs assailed their masters, all save one, And he was faithful to a corse, and kept The birds and beasts and famished men at bay, Till hunger clung them, or the drooping dead Lured their lank jaws; himself sought out no food, But with a piteous and perpetual moan, And a quick desolate cry, licking the hand Which answered not with a caress -he died. The crowd was famished by degrees; but two Of an enormous city did survive, And they were enemies: they met beside The dying embers of an altar-place Where had been heaped a mass of holy things For an unholy usage: they raked up, And shivering scraped with their cold skeleton hands The feeble ashes, and their feeble breath Blew for a little life, and made a flame Which was a mockery; then they lifted up Their eyes as it grew lighter, and beheld Each other's aspects -saw, and shrieked, and died - Even of their mutual hideousness they died, Unknowing who he was upon whose brow Famine had written Fiend. The world was void, The populous and the powerful was a lump, Seasonless, herbless, treeless, manless, lifeless - A lump of death -a chaos of hard clay. The rivers, lakes, and ocean all stood still, And nothing stirred within their silent depths; Ships sailorless lay rotting on the sea, And their masts fell down piecemeal; as they dropped They slept on the abyss without a surge - The waves were dead; the tides were in their grave, The Moon, their mistress, had expired before; The winds were withered in the stagnant air, And the clouds perished! Darkness had no need Of aid from them -She was the Universe!
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| Sunday, February 17th, 2008
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7:35 pm - So here we are.
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At an impasse.
Taking stock of much as of late, trying to balance the zen with the passionate anger... I wonder bunches, and that's probably how it ought to be, if you don't wonder the possibilities are not endless :) and where's the fun in that :)
I continuously do this questioning wondering bit, but life's prevented that by providing catalysts to just live without the thought.
But I know I can feel, which is something I had doubted. I no longer doubt.
and that's good.
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| Thursday, January 17th, 2008
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1:34 pm - nope
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nope . Not dead. Just not having an abundance of time around a computer when not working...
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| Monday, November 12th, 2007
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1:43 pm
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Well well well... :)
I am alive and doing well.
Divorce to be final by end of year. That whole process is going pretty smoothly...
I should be off of mom's couch by then as well!
New job going well, 90 day temp period almost up:)
Aedyn's doing great, no further adverse reaction to divorce, and he's been going to the bathroom by himself a few times :)
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| Friday, July 20th, 2007
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3:48 pm
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Weeding weeding weeding! I Heart weeding, Just trying to psyche myself up for it really Because I have some weedy problems in my yard and they look like poo. Most is going satisfactorily. Bup is not doing hot. Having major cancer drug side effects. And refuses to schedule anything any earlier then his routine appointments… Gram is getting more and more bleh about existence. I wish I could help. That anything I could do would magically flip a switch and make things all better. But I know that it won’t and that helplessness is wretched and makes me fear my bodies’ inevitable decay. My eldest best friend Kristina’s dad has just been diagnosed with cancer… She had a rough couple of days but is otherwise trucking along in true form. I am looking forward SOOOO much to Rage. And exposing my li’l white butt to other sounds I have not heard before. And the probable rush of directed activism that will follow the festival. I look forward to having a direction. I have been fired up with nowhere to burn for so long, maybe I’ll find a fuse :) Other than that friend life is good, though I feel distant from some of them. I hope that I make life slow the hell down soon so that I can remedy the distance… Off to weed. . .
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| Thursday, July 19th, 2007
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11:45 am
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so ummm I don'teven know who will read this but i m writing it anyway.
Life's been cuckoo, seming to fly by at a speed I am unaccustomed to.
Work is trucking along, although it seems like working nights is always interrupting somethng. Oh well it isn't bad... :)
Aedyn iswell, being an unrelenting 3 year old. Pressed for time, because Aedyn doesn't nap and just came in and wanted to HELP. I have been showing him letters in Word, how to spell his name and Gabe's name, and anyone else's he asks about...
more later. in comes the boy...
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| Thursday, May 3rd, 2007
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2:13 pm
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piss on trying to write right now.
was going to. Decided against.
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| Friday, April 13th, 2007
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6:00 am - nutso week
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This week, I have successfully managed to plan a bday party, maneuver through my day care provider ending up in the hopsital, which signalled the abrupt end of my day care situation, and nervousness and concern for a friend, I still managed to work. Steve has been very helpful:) With the time off we have had to take and all, I am surprised he still has a job, but I am hoping they understand...And A has a cold. which is getting him up at all sorts of lovely hours of the night.
He's on the up end of the cold so by the party he won't get anyone ill... IF of course weather doesn't keep everyone home :)
So not quite yay for me, but I could have easily freaked out and did not.
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| Wednesday, April 11th, 2007
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1:51 pm - per maudlinkitty's post of the same :)
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1. If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.
2. We all have things about our friends that make us slightly envious.Not in a bad way, but in a 'Wow! I wish I had that person's hair/eyes/money/relationship/toenails/what ever. So tell me what about me makes you envy me. . . then post this in your LJ and see what makes me envious of you.
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| Saturday, March 10th, 2007
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7:57 am
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OK- so there MAY be issues with Shine tonight...
Getting clarification...
Either way I'm going to Boston, and having a merry ole time anyway :)
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| Friday, March 9th, 2007
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7:59 pm - Saturday in Boston
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Going out to Shine in Kendall Square on Saturday for the opening night of Black Magic...
Should be fun... maybe we;ll see you :)
If you need info let me know :)
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| Thursday, March 8th, 2007
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11:02 am - www.savenetradio.org
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Yeah, go there, if you wish.
Pretty Please ;)
Get educated, and maybe, send a letter... :)
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| Sunday, March 4th, 2007
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8:06 pm
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Had lovely day. Went to Visit Kat and Jonah with Aedyn this morning... The little men played SOOOOO well together, I was very impressed. Got a little catch up time with Kat as well so that was great too :)
mmm LOVE the DD :)
:)
Came home, cleaned with Steve, had some Steve and Me time... Played with A after his nap, had a pretty mellow day overall...
Friday and saturday were lovely too.
Went to a party, had a BLAST... Steve was happy bartender guy to help out the overwhelmed host...:) was offered "job" of it for the next party...
Met some fabulous people! Hung out with my ho (muah, and what a Fabulous looking ho she was! ) and her man, and some other getting to better friends :) Saw a friend I haven't seen in a dogs age... :)
Saturday AM was lovely hang out time :) Had a really great time :)
All in all a ducky weekend.
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| Friday, March 2nd, 2007
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9:54 am - What do you know. A good day.
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I very much enjoy fridays. Rainy fridays. Lovely thursday evening leading into rainy fridays.
::sigh ::
A Good day :)
Been a bit since there has been less of a dark feeling behind my ribcage...
Today it seems less, at least so far.
:)
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| Thursday, February 22nd, 2007
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1:07 pm - Working is working.
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SO here I am, at work...
Realizing lots of things that aren't ready for publication. But at least I'm writing Something :)
Mostly it's good things :)
And Hopeful things...
and now I'm going back to work
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| Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
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12:19 pm
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Because Coachella is fading further and further from my grasp, I have started to, instead of Pouting, Become determined to make the inevitable wave of excitement and enthusiasm towards activism that WOULD have occurred from the trip happen anyway.
Get off my ass and DO something… And feel GREEAT doing it.
instead of pissing through a ton of money I can DO something to help SOMEONE or Some cause or causes…
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| Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
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7:10 pm - love it!
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Being efficient kicks ASS
Thanks to Brendan for being so on top of things, we got Liz's furniture moved tonight, and I saw him at Target only Friday, and told him to call when he was available and that I'd make myself available :)
TA-DA!
Say baby Alex and met Ricardo, who allowed me to stand there and feel useless while the furniture got trundled into the van... :)
YAY for getting things done... :)
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